August 29, 2008

Laughing so Hard...I can't Breathe!

Everyone should have a best friend. Seriously....I know you get them over time, but there's just something that comes from knowing someone for over 10 years.

Tonight, I was checking my facebook account (I am newly addicted...but it has taken over the Myspace addiction!). I GOT FLAIR! Seriously, if you don't have flair, I suggest you get some immediately. My best friend Mychelle sends me flair that says "If you live to be 100, I hope I live to 100 minus 1 day so I never have to live without you - Winne the Pooh" Seriously, how sweet is that? I almost cried.

So I call her and I am greeted with " 'Sup." (I'm not recapping the entire conversation of hilarity, but I'm getting there).

Her: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Filling out a job application for a recruiter I talked to today."

Her: "Where it be?" (I am not making this up, my college educated best friend asked me where a job I was looking at be)

So, what you should know is that my FAVORITE SNL skit is from 1996 right after the Olympics with Keri Strug and Chris Kattan as her brother. Mychelle and I lived together and watched the skit when it originally aired, and have quoted it relentlessly ever since. Well...tonight, we decided to find it and post it on myspace. "Yeah, sure, you're filling out an application!"

We watched it together can watch for yourself...but the best part is that Keri Strug is clearly having so much fun that she can't stop laughing, which of cours makes it even funnier. So Mychelle and I are laughing on the phone so hard that I can't breathe and her boyfriend Michael (seriously, how cute is that? I know, I just threw up a little in my mouth) came in the room and said, "Are you talking to Molly?" At least he knows that I'm the only person that can make her laugh so hard she might fall down.

Anyway, hope you enjoy the video, its a trip! Thanks for visiting MollyWood...I'll catch ya tomorrow!

August 27, 2008

Psychiatric Hotline....

Props to my friend Lora - she's always there with the funny.

Well....tonight, I'm at dinner with an old friend (she's not old, I've just known her for a long time and if she reads this, she'll get mad that I called her old...I DID NOT!), and I get this txt msg from Lora

"Dial this number and just listen, 603-413-4133."

Its the number for the psychiatric hotline...and its fantastically funny....especially since they know who you are and why you're calling.


Meeting Boys - Not as Fun as Shopping

So, I am currently, sometimes hopelessly, single. There has been a very noticeable (to all of my friends and family) dry spell happening. We're not even talking about the last time I had an actual "date," but its been a while.

So when I was grocery shopping on Sunday.....(Publix was very busy)...I spotted Mr. Cutie. Two aisles over I see this guy in a light blue polo with a tiny basket over his arm. So, as I was shopping, not stalking, he turned and looked at me...I made eye contact and smiled. By the way, I was looking very Sporty Spice on capri yoga pants, long sleeved San Fran t-shirt, sneakers, my Harvard baseball cap that makes me feel smart and just enough makeup to look fresh and not like I was wearing makeup.

So, I'm shopping and smiling at Mr. Cutie...and I look away, extremely fascinated by pork chops. (It's called flirting people, give me a break!) I discreetly look for Mr. Cutie and find that he's heading toward me. I throw the pork chops in my basket and quickly turn in his direction, clipping his hip with my cart! SCORE!!!

Me: I'm SOOOO sorry. I am such a klutz. Its so busy in here....are you ok?

Mr. Cutie: I'm good...I think I'll survive.

(insert 15 minutes of random small talk here....its the Harvard hat. really, this was some of my best work)

Me: Well, Steve* I'm really sorry I ran into you. I hate to tell you this, I would love to stand here and talk to you, but I'm meeting some friends for dinner, and I've got to finish here and get cleaned up.

Mr. Cutie: Hey, I understand...can't stand in the grocery store and talk all day. Can I call you some time to talk some more?

Me: Sure! You can give me a call at xxx-xxx-xxxx.

Mr. Cutie: Cool, I'll give you a call this week. Have fun at dinner.

Me: Thanks! Talk to you soon!

So, here's the deal. Its Wednesday night...and NO CALL from Mr. Cutie. So by my calculations, and the three day rule! he should have called.

There's a lesson here kiddies-the old, hit 'em with your cart at the grocery store does work...but it doesn't always get you a date!

Hope you enjoyed your trip to MollyWood....I'll catch ya tomorrow!

* That's not his real name, but since he didn't call....does it really matter?

August 26, 2008

They're Baaaacccckkk

Turning 30 has done something to me. I have always been excited to see students come back to town. This year, I feel like I understand why when my friends and I came back to campus after summer break, the locals would give me dirty looks when I would go shopping. After having to navigate my way through a very busy Publix, I realized I am the old chick giving the students dirty looks becuase they are so vapid. When the hell did that happen??

I knew it was coming in the spring. I was at an event for work at FAMU (Florida A&M University). The DJ announced he would be starting "Old School Hour" and he would be "spinning tracks from back in the day!" Now, I know what you're thinking...if they're old school...everyone should know them. But here's the thing, he then yelled to the crowd of college students as he played Bel Biv Devo's Poison "This song came out in 1990...Hands up to all you people born in 1990." And then it happened...about 1/3 of the crowd (about 800 students) threw their hands up in the air and screamed.

And I thought to myself...didn't I start babysitting in 1990? I mean, I wasn't old, but I was in middle school when Poison came out. Then, he did it. He played the anthem to all suburban white children of the 80's...Ice Ice Baby. I was walking around singing, EVERY SINGLE WORD and one of the college students I was working with said, "Do it Molly. I can't believe you know this song!" The look of shock and amazement on my face should have been priceless. This kid...who very possibly was concieved while someone was listening to this song was amazed that I, the coolest adult there, knew this song.

You know better don't you? I hope you enjoyed your visit to MollyWood...I'll catch you tomorrow!

August 24, 2008

Smart People of the Day Awards

Since I clearly am smarter than 3/4 of the planet (in my humble opinion), I would like to start giving "props" to those whose intelligent actions, words and deeds set them above the rest. If you know my friend Emily, give her a big thanks for encouraging this to be a MollyWood blog category!

My Corinne Street neighbors - These people get the award for "check and see if the downed tree limbs you are cleaning up are going to fall and knock down an f-ing power line." Seriously, its not bad enough that my neighborhood was without power for the vast majority of Saturday or that the cable service was spotty at best, but these geniouses actually knocked out electric service for FOUR STREETS, just by cleaning up from the saddest excuse of a tropical storm I have ever seen.

FSU Panhellenic Association - Ladies, I know the drama of sorority rush. I also know the drama of sorority rush in Florida with August electrical storms. (My junior year, I got to hang in our house with no power and talk to a sobbing girl who had very smartly worn white shorts and a RED THONG and had gotten soaking wet....surprisingly, she did not get a bid.) But the genious that decided to continue with Pref Day when there was a tropical storm hitting Tallahassee she be recognized. Its just what every nervous soon-to-be freshman wants to do is stand outside of one of the three houses they are pref-ing and instead of primping or trying to not sound like a moron (for some of them, its work) they are trying to not get their fancy "garden party" dress and coordinating shoes soaking wet.
*Photo courtesy of the Tallahassee Democrat

Comcast Cable - I get it. Its a storm, there's lots of wind and rain and lightning, and as I already mentioned, super-intelligent people. But wouldn't you think that with all that going on, the Capital Area's only cable provider would at least have someone manning (obviously not womanning) the phones to enter service requests? I would. But instead, from my house with no power and no cable, I called the service number listed on my bill...and there was no ringing and no one answering. Thankfully the cable came back on just in time for me to catch prime-time coverage of the Olympics and the men's marathon. Which is just about as interesting as watching paint dry, maybe a little less.

John Mayer - Seriously, Jennifer Anniston needs a break from dating nice-guys in disguise. I like John Mayer, loved his short-lived VH1 show, but seriously dude, SHUT THE F-UP! You broke up. Why do you care what the tabloids are saying? Be above it....if you don't want to comment on your private life when you are dating someone, then PLEASE don't comment on it once you've broken up. Be Beyonce...don't even admit it when you get married!

If you have any nominations for Smart People of the Day, please let me know.

I hope you've enjoyed your trip to MollyWood....I'll catch you tomorrow!

August 21, 2008

Things I've Learned about Unemployment

So, I've learned so much in the past month. So much that I never wanted to know.

First, when you file for unemployment insurance, because surprise, surprise, that's what it is...who knew, you have what is called a "waiting week." But, no one explains what a waiting week is. Apaprently, its the first week of your unemployment, that you have to claim as being unemployed, that you do not receive benefits for. Yes folks, you read me will NEVER receive your money for your first week....and NO ONE can tell me WHY.

Also - lets just say for arguements sake, that you were making very close to $1,000 per week in gross pay. Well, I hate to break it to you, no matter HOW MUCH you have accrued, you will STILL only earn $275 per week. And that's if you don't withhold 10% for taxes, which I would HIGHLY RECCOMMEND you do.

And, here's the rub. So I was thinking...I should check into doing some kind of temporary work or something to keep me busy and make some additional money. If you make over $46 per week, the overage will be deducted from your $275. That's not a typo, you read it correctly.....$46. So that means that if you make $100 a week, your unemployment payment will only be $ total, you'll make $267. Dig it, huh?

Welcome to MollyWood!

I have made a conscious decision for myself. Since right now, I'm not working but sending my resume to anyone who has an email address...I need something to keep myself occupied. I enjoy several blogs, and my friends, family, acquaintances and kick-a$$ hair-stylist seem to enjoy my snarky I might as well share my snarkiness (yes, its a word...I TOTALLY just made it up!) with anyone who can read.

With the addition of my new laptop (shout out to Papa Pete for this one), this will be so much easier to accomplish than it was a week ago when I was making daily trips to the Public Library (more on that to come!). I have several idols in this endeavor....but Jen Lancaster is my props to her...and check out (NO, i didn't steal MollyWood from her, technically I stole it from a store outside of Dothan, Alabama in the summer of 2000.)

Olympic Obsessed!
You will soon learn I'm a strange, interesting chick. I don't play sports - I don't think I'm that coordinated. I do, however, watch sports - mostly college football (go Noles!), and, coincidentally, SportsCenter. Because of that fact, I have, like the rest of the country, become obsessed with this year's Summer Olympics. To the point that I had a theme party to commemorate the start of the games.

I am a Phelps Phan, I like Shawn Johnson over Nastia Lukin (she's too skinny), I still love Bella Karolyi even though he sounds like the Swedish Chef and I think the Jamaican sprinters are OBNOXIOUS. Not excited-obnoxious, but over-the-top, rub-it-in-your-face, bad sportsmanship obnoxious. And isn't that what the Olympics is all about? Its about pushing yourself, winning, congratulating your opponent, and being so proud that you are representing your country in front of the world. Its not about posing, and making puffed-up gestures to show the world how cool you are. Save it for Diddy - we all know how obnoxious he is, that's why we love him. (By the way, I'm SOOOO looking forward to seeing what happens now that Laurie Ann Gibson is back as Day 26's tour choreographer.)

I hope you've enjoyed your trip to MollyWood....I'll catch you tomorrow!

*Photo courtesy of Associated Press