June 30, 2010

Do I Smell like Crazy?

Well..its official...I'm using a travel deodorant because I was almost out and the stupid man at Target scanned my new deodorant and DIDN'T put it in the bag....grrr.

Which makes me wonder....do I smell like crazy?

I started thinking about the crazy people that I seem to attract and the stories they produce...here's a hint of some of the greatest hits.

Kitty Litter Necklace

So, in at least part of my career, part of my job has been to interview and hire new staff. If you've ever done this...you know how particularly entertaining this can be. If you haven't, I highly reccommend you try it at least once...it is a PARADE of people watching for your disposal.

On one such occasion, I had a young woman come in for an interview. As, we work in fundraising, I asked her about walking into a situation and how she networked. She was dressed professionally enough (you wouldn't believe some of the outfits I saw) and picked up her necklace from her neck and said, "I usually just use this necklace. This necklace is like kitty litter for old people....they're just attracted to it. So I would just go to meetings and gatherings and wear this necklace. The people will just come to me."

Needless to say, I continued interviewing additional candidates.

I'm not crazy....and I don't need this dress.

About six years ago, I lived in a one bedroom apartment (the last one I lived in by the way). It was on the third floor in a large complex, and in the spring and fall...it was really nice to sleep with the windows open and know that noone would be able to get in. At about 7 one morning, I heard a ruckus outside.

"Hey! Hey!" This continued at pretty regular intervals for about ten minutes.

So, I got up and walked to the window. Where I saw a woman, wearing shoes and walking, well, stumbling around the parking lot, completely naked. And yelling.

"Hey! Hey! I'm not crazy!"

Now, at this point, I need to interject. If you're truly not crazy, there's no need to broadcast it to people who aren't asking.

About 10 minutes later, the police department came and escorted home.

More crazy to come....this was just your first taste!

Hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood....catch you soon!

June 27, 2010

Keep the Big ones High and Dry!

So, part of my focus this summer has been cleaning out the three closets and two dressers in my house the contain my clothes. I know, I know, but listen, I'm working on it!

Well, one of the things that I've discovered is that I am in desperate need of new bras. Well, lo and behold, Lane Bryant, perveyor of fine larger sized underpinnings was having a sale. What's that? A sale? And I found it....I don't know how I do it!

Every time I think about buying bras, I think of Bette singing about them in "Beaches." Enjoy.

An aside. I am not a size two. Its sometimes a challenge to find fashionable clothing that doesn't look like a mumu. Seriously, its easy to find larger brassieres, but they generally look like they are (1) made for your grandma and (2) they are white or beige. Maybe black, but that's a long shot.

So, I set off this afternoon. And grabbed a few that I liked, and headed to the dressing room. Where I made an incredible discovery. It has been a while since I've bought myself new bras.

With this knowledge in hand, I headed back to the floor to grab a variety of different sizes and headed back in. And then I came out again. I had a few good ones...but the sale was buy two get two free (that's about $70 or so in free bras!)! At this point the woman working there became suspicious. She approached...kind of like a zoo worker. She was in my peripheral vision for a few minutes, and she sort of skidded around, but then, she pounced:

Saleswoman: "Is there a certain size you're looking for?"

(now, at this point I was almost sitting on the floor to get to the rack on the bottom of the stand to try and find my size in the jungle of satin and lace.)

Me: "Nope, I'm just trying to find my size. Do you know if they would be anywhere else?"

Saleswoman: "Now, you've got a variety of sizes, are you sure you know what size you wear?"
And with that, she took the measuring tape, pink of course, that was hanging around her neck and lasso-ed me with it.
"You know, most women are wearing the wrong bra size."

Me: "You don't say? Now, can I have my breasts back?"

And this is when she felt me up, grabbed two bras of the rack, and sent me back to the dressing room. She then knocked on the door "Can I see how it looks?"

Now, I don't know about ya'll...I'm not all that modest, but I don't need a 50-something sales woman in my dressing room, feeling my bra to make sure it fits right.

Here's what I do know.....4 bras and 5 pairs of panties (thanks to the chick in line behind me who had an extra coupon....$74! I am a shopping rock star.

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!

June 25, 2010

A touch of Random-ness...

Here's just a touch of the random-ness that is Mollywood!

(1) My house looks much like a tornado has come through my house. My entire house. I think being gone the last three weekends has done me in. Its slowly but surely coming back together, but a month worth of sloth takes a while to clean up.

(2) Have you ever tried to teach a dog how to do tricks? Seriously. We mastered "sit." It took a while. It took a long while. He'll now sit WITHOUT me having a cookie in my hand. I consider this a victory.

But then we added "down" to the repitoire. He's got that one down cold. Except he confuses "sit" and "down." I'll say "sit" and he'll lay down and look at me like I'm nuts. And sometimes, if there's a cookie involved, he'll just go straight to laying down, because he thinks that will get him the cookie faster.

Now we're adding in "shake" and the biggest problem there is, Finn doesn't like it when you touch his legs and feet. This is going to be interesting.

(3) My DVD player remote has gone AWOL. Now, I realize that this might have something to do with the MESS that is my house...but I spent the better part of this afternoon cleaning up this sty, and it is no where to be found. I'm afraid that the $20 DVD player is going to have to be replaced......HEAVENS!

(4) I just saw the first feature on ABC's The Bachelor Pad...so I checked out the show's web site....http://abc.go.com/shows/bachelor-pad?cid=showsitelinks_search. Now, most of you know I'm a HUGE fan of the Bachelor and the Bacheloretter. I've been watching since the first season and if you haven't yet checked it out....Lincee Ray's IHateGreenBeans.com blog is FABULOUS! This is going to be a train wreck of epic proportions.

(5) Since Neil and I are sitting on my couch, both of us laptops in laps (we are such a 21st century couple!) I think we should go work on the disconnected-ness. EEEWWWW...Dirty Mind! I meant we should go spend some quality time together!

Thanks for stopping by Mollywood...hope you enjoyed your stay!

June 24, 2010

Disconnected like a light socket...

I'm feeling very disconnected.

So, what you may or may not know is Neil and I have been in a really good place, and we're moving forward.

I think what's exciting is that we were never that white hot fury that has faded. I think all along we've had an incredible relationship that's just gotten stronger over the past few months.

And then, he got a new job. And its exciting! And I'm so happy for him and proud of him. He deserves this job - its exactly what he wants to be doing and he's getting compensated appropriately.

But he had to move to Gainesville.

Now, it was bad enough that he lived on the almost opposite side of Jacksonville from me. Seriously, on a good day, it took 20 minutes to drive to his house....on a bad day FOR THE LOVE OF GOD...it took over an hour!

So then he moves to Gainesville. Now, I realize that as a Gator (I know, I know....WHAT am I thinking!?!?!) this for him is like me moving to Tallahassee. But, as a self-respecting, Seminole loving, Garnet and Gold bleeding woman, I have a hard time driving into HogTown on the weekends.

And while we're on the subject....this is where my disconnectedness is coming from.

I need more than two days a week. I'm so used to seeing him that I'm having a hard time, and this week, its starting to show.

I feel disconnected from him. I need your help. All my married folks....how do you do it? How do you manage to have a career, outside activites, family, friends, traveling, pets, etc. and still seem connected to your person? How are you keeping yourself connected when there's seemingly nothing much to talk about?

We're only a month in to this long distance (ha) thing, and I'm struggling this week.

I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood...I'll catch you later!

June 11, 2010

Mollywood is changing tack....JIVE HO!

So, its been a while since I've been inspired to write....Inspiration...FOUND!

Its been found in the form of a new friend....who I think is fabulous. You should check out her blog too...http://www.princessofrobinia.com!

So this blog isn't about her...but she's the catalyst for my new-found blogging. I realized out at drinks last night that she is just as busy as I am, and still has time to blog almost daily...and there's no reason I can't do it.

Some of this blog will stay the same...you'll still be getting the "Smart People of the Day" awards, a touch of Random-ness, and my other observations on life, but instead of my dating adventures...you'll get to read about the adventures of what happens after you find prince charming.

So that's what you've missed, I guess. Mollywood has fallen in love....I know, right!?! More on that to come in more blogs.

Back to the "Smart People of the Day." For this week....there's a few...but in only one category!

Jacksonville Drivers. Why am I the only person in this town that knows how to drive? I can't understand why following the posted and learned rules of the road is so complicated. It is NOT OK to make a right turn from the left lane, especially when I am driving IN the right lane. It is NOT OK to stop your car in the middle of the street for no apparent reason. It is NOT OK to drive 60 miles per hour down a residential street with a posted speed limit of 30.

Hope you've enjoyed your visit to Mollywood...I'll catch you next time!