Why isn't this easier? You love someone. You plan your life. They leave you. They meet someone else.
Shouldn't I just be able to move on? Shouldn't I just be able to just turn this off? What does it mean that I haven't?
While I feel like I am a little more angry, a little more bitter, and quite a bit more cynical about love and relationships, the one person I have longed for for the past 78 days, I continue to long for today.
And getting a phone call yesterday - one that I wasn't expecting or anticipating, doesn't help. It left me feeling a bit like I had been ambushed. So, I did what I'm not supposed to do....I initiated contact again.
And found out....they broke up. Because he got what he said he wanted....everything I wasn't....and she turned out to be crazy. And oddly, it doesn't make me happy (honestly, not even a little).
And we talked for about an hour. (I know, I know....forgive me, I'm human) I'm shocked at how comfortable it was. I'm shocked that I cried and I was angry. I'm shocked at what I took away from it.....but that's for a later post.
I write this for you, ever the optimist....the world will make sense again. I will get my happy ending....just not sure who with.
Hope you enjoyed your trip to MollyWood!
January 30, 2011
January 21, 2011
Building an X-Box...
Or, more correctly, an ex-box. (I know! I LOVE IT! My B-F-F is a genius!)
Sunday night, wine, good music, cooking dinner, and the final clearing of the house of all things Neil.
We might burn sage.....more to come!
Sunday night, wine, good music, cooking dinner, and the final clearing of the house of all things Neil.
We might burn sage.....more to come!
January 20, 2011
I can fix you up!
Now that my last relationship has crashed and burned, I've noticed that EVERYONE I know has someone GREAT they want to fix me up with....which in my experience doesn't ever truly work..and ends up being awkward and uncomfortable.
So...I need your advice. What creative ways do you have to dodge the impending "set up??"
So...I need your advice. What creative ways do you have to dodge the impending "set up??"
January 7, 2011
The Dirty Thirty-Two is OVER
After reviewing the Dirty Thirty Two that I created in August, I'm scrapping it. I was completely in love and jobless when I wrote that list. Now I'm completely single (and more than a bit heart broken) and working full full time!
I have to tell you, after the bad dates (that turn into GREAT stories) and sad excuses for relationships (yes, read into that what you will), I was smug. Smug. Smug because I was FINALLY getting my turn. Finally getting what I had longed for, a partner, an equal, I was in love with my best friend. I was a better person for being with someone. I was in the sunshine. And glowing. And SMUG.
And now, I'm in the dark. I'm home, alone, for what really seems like the first Friday night in almost a year. What did I do on Friday nights before I was in a relationship? I think I spent nights a lot like this. Let's see....snuggle with super cute Schnauzer-mutt (CHECK), play on the internet (CHECK), watch crappy tv (CHECK), wallow in a little self-misery (CHECK).
A year ago I was in a great place. I was good with myself. I wasn't filled with self-doubt. I wasn't confused about what I wanted and who I was. I was ready, and I thought God has sent me what I asked for. Well, I guess the joke was on me. Maybe we don't all get what we ask for....just some of us do.
Yes, I know, it will get better. He wasn't the right person. I'm lucky this happened now. He'll be someone else's problem. Time heals all wounds! (That one is my personal fave this week)....or just insert your trite, post-breakup platitude here. Really, I've heard them all in the last few weeks. I get it...I'm not the first or last person to get their heart smashed into a thousand tiny pieces. But right now, I feel like I am.
So, for now, I'm out. I'm working on myself and getting myself back. You'll probably see me at the gym a lot. And I'll work really hard on being a lot less smug....promise!
Until then, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!
I have to tell you, after the bad dates (that turn into GREAT stories) and sad excuses for relationships (yes, read into that what you will), I was smug. Smug. Smug because I was FINALLY getting my turn. Finally getting what I had longed for, a partner, an equal, I was in love with my best friend. I was a better person for being with someone. I was in the sunshine. And glowing. And SMUG.
And now, I'm in the dark. I'm home, alone, for what really seems like the first Friday night in almost a year. What did I do on Friday nights before I was in a relationship? I think I spent nights a lot like this. Let's see....snuggle with super cute Schnauzer-mutt (CHECK), play on the internet (CHECK), watch crappy tv (CHECK), wallow in a little self-misery (CHECK).
A year ago I was in a great place. I was good with myself. I wasn't filled with self-doubt. I wasn't confused about what I wanted and who I was. I was ready, and I thought God has sent me what I asked for. Well, I guess the joke was on me. Maybe we don't all get what we ask for....just some of us do.
Yes, I know, it will get better. He wasn't the right person. I'm lucky this happened now. He'll be someone else's problem. Time heals all wounds! (That one is my personal fave this week)....or just insert your trite, post-breakup platitude here. Really, I've heard them all in the last few weeks. I get it...I'm not the first or last person to get their heart smashed into a thousand tiny pieces. But right now, I feel like I am.
So, for now, I'm out. I'm working on myself and getting myself back. You'll probably see me at the gym a lot. And I'll work really hard on being a lot less smug....promise!
Until then, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!
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