June 27, 2010

Keep the Big ones High and Dry!

So, part of my focus this summer has been cleaning out the three closets and two dressers in my house the contain my clothes. I know, I know, but listen, I'm working on it!

Well, one of the things that I've discovered is that I am in desperate need of new bras. Well, lo and behold, Lane Bryant, perveyor of fine larger sized underpinnings was having a sale. What's that? A sale? And I found it....I don't know how I do it!

Every time I think about buying bras, I think of Bette singing about them in "Beaches." Enjoy.

An aside. I am not a size two. Its sometimes a challenge to find fashionable clothing that doesn't look like a mumu. Seriously, its easy to find larger brassieres, but they generally look like they are (1) made for your grandma and (2) they are white or beige. Maybe black, but that's a long shot.

So, I set off this afternoon. And grabbed a few that I liked, and headed to the dressing room. Where I made an incredible discovery. It has been a while since I've bought myself new bras.

With this knowledge in hand, I headed back to the floor to grab a variety of different sizes and headed back in. And then I came out again. I had a few good ones...but the sale was buy two get two free (that's about $70 or so in free bras!)! At this point the woman working there became suspicious. She approached...kind of like a zoo worker. She was in my peripheral vision for a few minutes, and she sort of skidded around, but then, she pounced:

Saleswoman: "Is there a certain size you're looking for?"

(now, at this point I was almost sitting on the floor to get to the rack on the bottom of the stand to try and find my size in the jungle of satin and lace.)

Me: "Nope, I'm just trying to find my size. Do you know if they would be anywhere else?"

Saleswoman: "Now, you've got a variety of sizes, are you sure you know what size you wear?"
And with that, she took the measuring tape, pink of course, that was hanging around her neck and lasso-ed me with it.
"You know, most women are wearing the wrong bra size."

Me: "You don't say? Now, can I have my breasts back?"

And this is when she felt me up, grabbed two bras of the rack, and sent me back to the dressing room. She then knocked on the door "Can I see how it looks?"

Now, I don't know about ya'll...I'm not all that modest, but I don't need a 50-something sales woman in my dressing room, feeling my bra to make sure it fits right.

Here's what I do know.....4 bras and 5 pairs of panties (thanks to the chick in line behind me who had an extra coupon....$74! I am a shopping rock star.

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!

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