After reviewing the Dirty Thirty Two that I created in August, I'm scrapping it. I was completely in love and jobless when I wrote that list. Now I'm completely single (and more than a bit heart broken) and working full full time!
I have to tell you, after the bad dates (that turn into GREAT stories) and sad excuses for relationships (yes, read into that what you will), I was smug. Smug. Smug because I was FINALLY getting my turn. Finally getting what I had longed for, a partner, an equal, I was in love with my best friend. I was a better person for being with someone. I was in the sunshine. And glowing. And SMUG.
And now, I'm in the dark. I'm home, alone, for what really seems like the first Friday night in almost a year. What did I do on Friday nights before I was in a relationship? I think I spent nights a lot like this. Let's see....snuggle with super cute Schnauzer-mutt (CHECK), play on the internet (CHECK), watch crappy tv (CHECK), wallow in a little self-misery (CHECK).
A year ago I was in a great place. I was good with myself. I wasn't filled with self-doubt. I wasn't confused about what I wanted and who I was. I was ready, and I thought God has sent me what I asked for. Well, I guess the joke was on me. Maybe we don't all get what we ask for....just some of us do.
Yes, I know, it will get better. He wasn't the right person. I'm lucky this happened now. He'll be someone else's problem. Time heals all wounds! (That one is my personal fave this week)....or just insert your trite, post-breakup platitude here. Really, I've heard them all in the last few weeks. I get it...I'm not the first or last person to get their heart smashed into a thousand tiny pieces. But right now, I feel like I am.
So, for now, I'm out. I'm working on myself and getting myself back. You'll probably see me at the gym a lot. And I'll work really hard on being a lot less smug....promise!
Until then, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!
2 comments:
So, I'm baaack. :) My blogrolling list disappeared and so it's taken me some time to rediscover all my links. There are some things fabulous about being single that you should embrace. Let me share, shall I?
1. You don't answer to anyone.
2. You can do what you want, when you want and with whom you want.
3. If you want to sleep a Friday night away - you can! There's always another Friday night.
4. You can avoid Mr Wrong, by taking your time, and hopefully when you DO decide to commit, it's Mr. Right - at least for that moment.
In the mean time, enjoy your ability to live life how you want - and eat well on dates. :)
Oh Rebecca,
Its not that I don't enjoy being single, actually I do. What I don't enjoy is the shit I've been through in the past few months.
One of these days, I'll be in good enough shape to actually share the whole story. Sufficed to say, the short version is something like:
Him: "I love you."
Me: "I love you."
Him: "You're the one. I can't imagine my life without you. We need to get you a ring."
Me: "I can't wait to spend forever with you."
Him: "Oh, wait. I love you, but the idea of us moving forward makes me want to run away."
And, scene!
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