Do I Smell like Crazy?

Well..its official...I'm using a travel deodorant because I was almost out and the stupid man at Target scanned my new deodorant and DIDN'T put it in the bag....grrr.

Which makes me wonder....do I smell like crazy?

I started thinking about the crazy people that I seem to attract and the stories they produce...here's a hint of some of the greatest hits.

Kitty Litter Necklace

So, in at least part of my career, part of my job has been to interview and hire new staff. If you've ever done this...you know how particularly entertaining this can be. If you haven't, I highly reccommend you try it at least once...it is a PARADE of people watching for your disposal.

On one such occasion, I had a young woman come in for an interview. As, we work in fundraising, I asked her about walking into a situation and how she networked. She was dressed professionally enough (you wouldn't believe some of the outfits I saw) and picked up her necklace from her neck and said, "I usually just use this necklace. This necklace is like kitty litter for old people....they're just attracted to it. So I would just go to meetings and gatherings and wear this necklace. The people will just come to me."

Needless to say, I continued interviewing additional candidates.

I'm not crazy....and I don't need this dress.

About six years ago, I lived in a one bedroom apartment (the last one I lived in by the way). It was on the third floor in a large complex, and in the spring and fall...it was really nice to sleep with the windows open and know that noone would be able to get in. At about 7 one morning, I heard a ruckus outside.

"Hey! Hey!" This continued at pretty regular intervals for about ten minutes.

So, I got up and walked to the window. Where I saw a woman, wearing shoes and walking, well, stumbling around the parking lot, completely naked. And yelling.

"Hey! Hey! I'm not crazy!"

Now, at this point, I need to interject. If you're truly not crazy, there's no need to broadcast it to people who aren't asking.

About 10 minutes later, the police department came and escorted home.


More crazy to come....this was just your first taste!

Hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood....catch you soon!

Keep the Big ones High and Dry!

So, part of my focus this summer has been cleaning out the three closets and two dressers in my house the contain my clothes. I know, I know, but listen, I'm working on it!

Well, one of the things that I've discovered is that I am in desperate need of new bras. Well, lo and behold, Lane Bryant, perveyor of fine larger sized underpinnings was having a sale. What's that? A sale? And I found it....I don't know how I do it!

Every time I think about buying bras, I think of Bette singing about them in "Beaches." Enjoy.



An aside. I am not a size two. Its sometimes a challenge to find fashionable clothing that doesn't look like a mumu. Seriously, its easy to find larger brassieres, but they generally look like they are (1) made for your grandma and (2) they are white or beige. Maybe black, but that's a long shot.

So, I set off this afternoon. And grabbed a few that I liked, and headed to the dressing room. Where I made an incredible discovery. It has been a while since I've bought myself new bras.

With this knowledge in hand, I headed back to the floor to grab a variety of different sizes and headed back in. And then I came out again. I had a few good ones...but the sale was buy two get two free (that's about $70 or so in free bras!)! At this point the woman working there became suspicious. She approached...kind of like a zoo worker. She was in my peripheral vision for a few minutes, and she sort of skidded around, but then, she pounced:

Saleswoman: "Is there a certain size you're looking for?"

(now, at this point I was almost sitting on the floor to get to the rack on the bottom of the stand to try and find my size in the jungle of satin and lace.)

Me: "Nope, I'm just trying to find my size. Do you know if they would be anywhere else?"

Saleswoman: "Now, you've got a variety of sizes, are you sure you know what size you wear?"
And with that, she took the measuring tape, pink of course, that was hanging around her neck and lasso-ed me with it.
"You know, most women are wearing the wrong bra size."

Me: "You don't say? Now, can I have my breasts back?"

And this is when she felt me up, grabbed two bras of the rack, and sent me back to the dressing room. She then knocked on the door "Can I see how it looks?"

Now, I don't know about ya'll...I'm not all that modest, but I don't need a 50-something sales woman in my dressing room, feeling my bra to make sure it fits right.

Here's what I do know.....4 bras and 5 pairs of panties (thanks to the chick in line behind me who had an extra coupon....$74! I am a shopping rock star.

Until next time, I hope you enjoyed your visit to Mollywood!